Emotional Sobriety

Have you heard of emotional sobriety? If not, you're not alone. Many people in recovery and healing, (hello me), don't hear about it until they're well into their recovery.

What is emotional sobriety?

Emotional sobriety is the ability to feel all our emotions, the good and the bad, and then process the feelings. We learn to move through, lean into, and, most of all, not ignore them. When we're emotionally sober, we have balance in our life. When we're emotionally sober, we can let things go, remain calm even during chaotic times, not substitute one unhealthy behavior for another, and we find gratitude even in challenging moments.

I was emotionally lost for years until I heard about emotional sobriety.

I thought I'd be good to go when I put down my drug of choice.

Not so much.

I hadn't done anything about why I turned to drugs to numb my pain. I was verbally abused and experienced sexual abuse as a child but didn't talk to anyone about it. Instead, I turned to drugs to numb my pain.

Then, I got chemically sober. I had a lot of emotions I needed to look at, but I shoved and crammed everything into the back recesses of my brain. I made unhealthy choices, had no sense of peace or calm, and had terrible emotional boundaries.

Rather than looking inward, I looked outward, ended up in unhealthy relationships, and made awful decisions.

When I decided to commit to my recovery and healing, I added a ton of things to my
recovery toolkit, like support groups, counseling, S-Anon, and AA meetings. And that's where I heard about emotional sobriety.

From there, I went on to other ways to explore my healing and was able to do an even deeper dive into my emotional sobriety journey.

Ways to achieve emotional sobriety:

• Awareness of your emotions
• Do not ignore that tingle in the back of your head or that churning in your gut.
• You can do that by naming your emotions. We've all heard the saying, "You've got to name it to claim it." It's true.
• Remember, emotions are forms of energy forever seeking expression. As you feel an emotion, notice it. If you need to, write it down and journal about it.
• Feel your feelings
• You've got to feel it to heal it, even if it means sitting with your pain, because a weight can be lifted after you've moved through it.
• Move through them. Experience them.
• If you need to cry, cry.
• If you're angry, express it in a healthy way: scream into a pillow, journal, call a trusted friend/source, exercise, go for a walk, write a letter (then shred or burn it, don't send it!), attend counseling, or life coaching, etc.
• Find a healthy balance and a sense of calm, even when life gets chaotic. Make sure that you're not substituting one thing for another.
(See below for a technique on how to do these things)
Utilize tools in your recovery and healing toolkit:
• Eat better
• Exercise
• "Me" time
• Meditate/yoga/Guided imagery
• Dance/sing
• Hobby: gardening, sewing, writing, etc.
• Color: stress reliever
• Create a vision board
• Read
• Crochet, knit, and crafts
• Puppy, kitty playtime! Or visit your local shelter
• Volunteer
• Don't forget to step back and evaluate what's going on while
working through your emotions
. Take a moment to pause, breathe, and, if necessary, ground yourself using
grounding exercises
• Ask yourself: What is the good? Reframe a situation from negative to positive.

Maintaining emotional sobriety:

• Be a positive force and act. Getting started can be challenging and taking it one step at a time is okay. Show yourself grace.
Chunk things down to bite-sized pieces
• Communicate your needs in a healthy way.
• Practice forgiveness of yourself and others.
.Learn the art of letting go
• Schedule time for yourself and have some fun! Life is meant to live and to enjoy.

For the best talk about emotional sobriety I've ever heard, listen to
Mr. Tom B from AA

You don't have to be into AA for his talk to resonate with you.
You can find it on YouTube by searching Tom B emotional sobriety. He'll make you laugh, and if you can relate, he'll make you nod your head too.

Here are a few of the questions Tom asks the crowd (taken in part from the transcript):
Are you usually hurt or angered by criticism?
Do you have a difficult time accepting compliments?
Do others think more highly of you than you do of yourself?
Do you depend on others to make you feel good about yourself?
Do you often do a good job and know it, but don't feel good about it?
Do you often feel like a loser – even though you know you're a good person?
Do you often put yourself down?
Looking honestly at your life, do you treat yourself very well?

When you're emotionally sober, you're comfortable in your own skin. You stand tall, embrace your flaws, and don't allow your inner self to be defined by others, but to be defined by you and you alone. So be proud of who you are and all you've accomplished so far. We're all destined for great things.

Remember, healing and recovery are a marathon, not a sprint. Go at your pace; the important thing is that you keep going. There is always hope when it comes to addiction.

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻