Friday the 13th: Don’t Let Your Triggers Haunt You

Bookenders, it’s Friday the 13th!

Cue the dramatic music, black cats, and the totally rational fear that the day is cursed.

But in recovery and healing, we know better than to blame the calendar for chaos. Most of the time, it’s not the date that’s the problem, it’s the trigger we didn’t see coming.

Whether you're in recovery from addiction, healing from betrayal trauma, or you're just trying not to gripe at the person who forgot to take the recyclables out, today seems like a pretty good time to check in with yourself before a tiny glitch turns into a full-blown spiral.

So, let’s ditch the superstition and talk about some real tools for managing triggers, especially a few of the underrated, surprisingly simple ones.

First, What Is a Trigger?

It helps if I don’t assume everyone knows what a trigger is, so let’s start with a simple definition, shall we?

A trigger is something that sets off a strong emotional, physical, or behavioral reaction. Triggers are often connected to previous experiences, stress, fear, trauma, or patterns our brains have learned to recognize as threatening.

They can show up as anger, irritation, anxiety, panic, a racing heart, muscle tension, or the sudden urge to emotionally retreat or escape.

And sometimes that urge to escape sends us toward old unhealthy habits or behaviors.

Triggers really love to sneak up on us for some reason. It wouldn’t surprise me if Halloween and Friday the 13th were their favorite holidays.

Sometimes we recognize them right away.

Other times, because of their love for sneakiness, we find ourselves halfway through a brain spiral before we realize:

“Yikes on bikes...that was a trigger.”

So what can we do when that happens?

Five Underrated Tools for Managing Triggers

1. Name the Movie You’re In

Ask yourself:

“What story am I telling myself right now?”

Sometimes we’re reacting to what’s happening in front of us.

Other times, what’s happening in front of us has bumped into something from our past, and our brain starts filling in the rest of the story before we have all the information.

That distinction matters.

Naming the story gives you a little space to figure out which one is happening.

Example:

“Okay, I’m in the ‘Nobody Listens to Me’ movie right now.”

Then take a moment to explore:

What actually happened?

What am I assuming happened?

Does any part of this remind me of something I’ve experienced before?

Is there something happening right now that genuinely needs my attention or a boundary?

The goal isn’t to talk yourself out of your feelings or convince yourself that everything is fine.

It’s to give yourself enough space to figure out what belongs to the past, what belongs to the present, and what you want to do next.

2. Try a Temperature Change

My original version of this was called The Cold Spoon Trick, which sounds a little like something your grandmother would prescribe along with Vicks VapoRub.

But there’s something useful underneath it.

A noticeable change in temperature can give your attention something immediate and physical to focus on when your thoughts are racing.

You can try holding something cool, splashing cool water on your face, or using a cool washcloth.

I have an ice roller for my face that I love for this. It feels good when I’m stressed and has the added bonus of feeling amazing during a migraine.

The point isn’t that a cold spoon magically shuts off your nervous system.

It gives your body and attention something different to notice for a moment.

And sometimes that little interruption is enough to help you pause before reacting.

3. Write a One-Sentence Rage Journal

I yammer on about journaling and writing a lot here because of how much it helps me, but today we’re going to try something a little different.

Instead of spiraling into a full emotional monologue, give yourself permission to write one completely unfiltered sentence.

Example:

“I am so sick of doing everything for everyone and still getting attitude.”

Then stop.

One sentence.

You’re not writing a dissertation.

You’re giving whatever is bouncing around inside your head somewhere else to land for a minute.

Then breathe.

If you want to come back and write more later, go for it. But sometimes one sentence is enough to release a little pressure and help you figure out what you’re actually feeling.

4. Name Three Sounds You Can Hear Right Now

This is a quick grounding exercise that brings your attention back to your current surroundings.

It’s similar to the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise we’ve talked about, just much shorter.

Pause and identify three sounds.

Can you hear a dog barking?

The hum of the fridge?

Traffic outside?

Your own breathing?

Someone watching TikTok three rooms away at a volume apparently intended for the entire neighborhood?

The sounds themselves aren't important.

What matters is that for those few seconds, your attention has shifted away from the spiral and toward what is happening around you right now.

Sometimes three sounds are all you need to create a tiny pause.

And tiny pauses count.

5. Put on “Safety Socks”

Yes, really.

And before we give fuzzy socks a psychology degree, let me explain what I actually mean.

Comfort can be grounding.

Warm socks. A soft blanket. Your favorite sweatshirt. Holding a warm mug. Sitting in a chair where you feel comfortable.

These sensory cues aren't magically telling your brain that everything is safe.

But they can give your body something familiar and comforting to focus on when you're feeling activated or overwhelmed.

And you guys already know about my love of warm, fuzzy socks.

So yes, I am absolutely keeping Safety Socks.

Science may not officially call them that.

I do.

A Reminder

You don’t have to handle every trigger perfectly.

You don’t have to “just let it go.”

And having a strong reaction doesn’t automatically mean you're overreacting.

Sometimes a trigger is connected to an old wound.

Sometimes something happening in the present genuinely isn't okay.

And sometimes it's a little bit of both.

The goal of grounding isn't to convince yourself that nothing is wrong.

It's to give yourself enough space to figure out what is happening and what you need next.

Maybe you need a grounding tool.

Maybe you need to walk away for a few minutes.

Maybe you need to talk to someone you trust.

Maybe you need a boundary.

Or maybe you just need to put on the damn Safety Socks.

Final Thought

Friday the 13th might have a reputation for chaos, but triggers don't bother checking the calendar.

They show up on random Tuesdays while you're making dinner.

In the grocery store.

During a conversation you thought would be completely harmless.

Or because someone left the recyclables sitting there for the fourth day in a row.

What matters isn't whether you never get triggered again.

It's learning to recognize what's happening a little sooner and having a few tools available when it does.

Because sometimes the difference between reacting automatically and choosing what you want to do next is just a small pause.

And apparently, sometimes that pause involves fuzzy socks.

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻