Got ANTs? Let's Talk About Those Thoughts Marching Around Your Brain

Back in my group days, almost ten years ago now, we did an exercise about ANTs.

No, not the tiny little dudes who show up in your kitchen the second someone drops a crumb.

Automatic Negative Thoughts.

Although apparently, back then I called it Anti-Negative Thinking. Then my mentor said, “I call them ANTs,” and it stuck.

The idea behind ANTs is pretty simple. They're those negative thoughts that seem to show up automatically and start marching around your brain:

• I'm not good enough.

• I should be handling this better.

• I'm never going to get through this.

• I screwed up again.

• I'm weak because this still bothers me.

And it’s like when one ANT shows up, it brings the whole ant colony. No invitation necessary.

So what do we do?

Bug spray?

Rolled-up newspaper?

Back then, my answer was basically: destroy the ANTs and replace them with positive thinking! I mean, I love my positive thinking, but we can’t gloss over shit and call it a day. We need to do some reflection, folks.

So, ten years and a whole lot more healing later, I’ve updated that thinking.

First, Notice the ANT

A thought is a thought.

That doesn't automatically make it true.

Sometimes our thoughts stem from fear. Other times, they come from shame, old experiences, assumptions, triggers, or that part of our brain that's already decided how something is going to end before we've made it through the first five minutes. (Anyone else a forecaster?)

So before doing anything with the thought, we notice it. Remember when I talked about my ANT, “Am I a terrible person?”

Part of what was underneath that thought was uncomfortable to admit: Was I responding to some of his texts because I was afraid the financial support might stop?

I couldn't challenge that thought until I was willing to acknowledge and be aware that it was there:

• I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough.

• I'm having the thought that I should be over this by now.

• I'm having the thought that everything is going to fall apart.

• That tiny shift gives us some room to look at the thought instead of immediately accepting it as fact.

Now Challenge It

This was part of the original exercise that I still love…and used it that day.

Ask yourself:

• Is this thought actually true?

• What evidence do I have for it?

• Am I jumping to the worst-case scenario?

• Am I assuming I know what someone else is thinking?

• Am I taking responsibility for someone else's feelings, choices, anger, or struggles?

• Is there another way to look at what happened?

• What would I say to someone I cared about if they were having this same thought?

We're not trying to argue ourselves out of an emotion.

We're questioning the story we're telling ourselves about the emotion.

There's a difference.

Don't Force a Positive Thought. Find a More Accurate One.

This is probably the biggest thing I would change from the exercise I taught years ago.

Sometimes turning a negative thought into a glowing positive affirmation is just too big of a leap.

If I'm sitting there thinking:

I have completely screwed up my life.

Jumping straight to:

MY LIFE IS AMAZING, AND I AM UNSTOPPABLE!

might make something inside me respond:

Okay, settle down, Tony Robbins.

Instead, I can look for something I actually believe.

I've made choices I regret, but that doesn't mean my entire life is a mistake.

Or:

I don't know how this is going to work out yet.

Or simply:

I'm having a hard time right now.

Those thoughts aren't necessarily "positive."

They're more accurate.

And sometimes accurate is exactly what we need.

When I put that ANT on trial, I asked myself those types of questions. Some of the answers weren’t sunshine and rainbows, but most of the evidence still pointed to me being a decent human being. Not a terrible person. And definitely not a sticker of forced false positives.

Try the 1–10 Test

Here's something else from my old exercise that I still really like.

Write down your ANT and ask:

How strongly do I believe this thought right now, on a scale of 1–10?

Then challenge it and write your replacement thought.

Now ask:

How strongly do I believe this one?

If your ANT is:

I'm completely alone, and nobody cares about me.

and you believe that at a 9, replace it with:

I am surrounded by people who love me!

If you believe that at a 2, it probably won't help much.

What is something you believe at a 6?

Maybe:

I feel alone right now, but feeling alone doesn't mean nobody cares about me.

That gives you a place to start. More importantly, it feels true enough to believe. Because there’s nothing more disappointing than setting the bar somewhere in outer space only to watch it come crashing down. (Hello, me).

This Is Where Affirmations Can Help

My original group exercise included making affirmation cards.

I still love that idea. My affirmation cards were my saving grace. I carried them everywhere.

But now I'd build the affirmation after challenging the ANT rather than using an affirmation to steamroll over it.

Maybe your card says:

• I am strong.

• I am worthy.

• I am able to get through difficult moments.

• My feelings matter.

• I am able to trust myself to make my own choices.

• I don't have to figure everything out today.

• Someone else's choices don't determine my worth.

The important part isn't choosing the prettiest sentence.

Choose something that means something to you. When it fits, use the “I am” phrasing. Your brain loves that.

What About the Things We Don't Like About Ourselves?

The other part of this old exercise asked people to make two lists.

Things they considered flaws and things they considered positive qualities.

And then we looked a little closer at the "flaws."

Maybe you've always called yourself stubborn.

Could that same part of you also be determined?

Maybe you've been told you're too sensitive.

Could sensitivity also be part of what makes you empathetic or aware of other people?

Maybe you're blunt.

Could that come from valuing honesty and direct communication?

That doesn't mean every behavior suddenly becomes a positive quality.

If I'm gossiping, judging people, lashing out, crossing boundaries, or doing something that's hurting myself or someone else, I can look at that honestly and decide whether I want to change it.

But there's a big difference between:

I did something I don't like.

and

There's something wrong with me.

One gives me something I can work on.

The other becomes another ANT.

So, What Do We Do With the ANT?

Notice the thought.

Get curious about it.

Challenge it.

Talk back to it if you need to. My old group material literally suggested talking to it out loud or in the mirror, even asking why it showed up. I talk about it in my workbook. Talking back to things works!

And then decide what you're going to do with it.

Because you don't have to believe everything that marches through your brain.

Try It Yourself

Think of one ANT that's been hanging around lately.

My ANT:

How strongly do I believe it? 1–10:

What makes me think it's true?

What makes me question whether it's completely true?

Am I assuming, catastrophizing, blaming myself, or taking responsibility for something that isn't mine?

What's a more accurate way to say it?

How strongly do I believe this new thought? 1–10:

And finally:

If I turned that new thought into an affirmation I could come back to, what would it say?

Write it down.

Put it on your phone.

Stick it on your bathroom mirror.

Make yourself an affirmation card.

And the next time those ANTs start marching?

You don't necessarily need to destroy them.

Notice them. Question them. Challenge them.

You may not get to choose which thoughts show up, but you don't have to believe every thought that marches through your brain.

Here's an easy-to-use worksheet to help challenge your ANTs (automatic negative thinking/thoughts)

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻