Healing Through Divorce: Feeling All the Feels

I hope you’ll indulge me, Bookenders, as I go back to my roots of sharing my journey with healing and understanding the complexities of addiction. It may be like this for a few months as I process the reality that I’m leaving.

Over fifteen years ago, I started my first blog. It was right after my second disclosure, and I was venting into the internet void. Let’s just say, there was a lot of cursing.

Here I am, a few blogs and podcasts later, healed from betrayal trauma, a retired life coach…and still, my favorite way to work through emotions is to write, and then write some more. With a lot less cursing, too.

Much like fifteen years ago, I find myself working through many challenging emotions. Except this time, I’m equipped with healthy coping skills, and lemme tell ya, it’s been so much better to move through than it was back then.

The conversations that my ex-husband and I are having are like the ones we had back then. Of course, they’re not about the same topics, thank goodness, but the style is the same.

There’s been such a sense of familiarity to it. Our conversations start productively, then begin to devolve, and I end them. Still gently, but firmly.

And that brings up a mixture of emotions:

Sadness:

For the loss of our marriage and his emotional sobriety.

Gratitude:

For the many years we had together that were good, with a lot of happiness and love. Still, there is a lot of love.

Relief:

That I’ll be able to continue my recovery and healing…because I think I’ll need to heal from this divorce process…surrounded by my loved ones.

Fear:

So many unknowns, especially about my job and finances, moving to a new city, and most of all, not having my best friend, my ex-husband, by my side.

Pride:

I kept my own sobriety, maintained my boundaries, and stayed emotionally sober.

Hopeful:

That my ex-husband will find the peace he deserves, that my children maintain a relationship with him (their choice), and after the dust settles, we’ll still be friends.

Excited:

For what’s to come.

One thing I've learned is that healing doesn't require me to choose just one emotion.

I don't have to decide whether this divorce is sad or hopeful, scary or exciting. It can be all of those things at once.

Sometimes recovery looks less like finding the "right" feeling and more like making room for all of them.

What tools am I using this week?

• Breathing

• Meditation

• Walking

• Watching my fish every night before bed

• Baldur's Gate (Best game ever)

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻