Learn About The Three Circles & It's Role in Recovery and Healing

One of the most frequent questions I’m asked, and see online, is, “What’s considered a relapse in recovery?” To me, it’s a personal choice. I believe that each person’s recovery is their own to define. What may be a bottom line to me may not be a bottom line to someone else. As you know, I quit cocaine cold-turkey over thirty years ago and then white-knuckled sobriety for years until the disclosure of my ex-husband’s addiction.

That gave me an opportunity to do a deep dive on my recovery and really start healing from my traumas and move away from what my FOO had taught me.

This is when I learned about the Three Circles and began learning to accept the grey areas in life.

Because before that, I needed everything to be black and white, and in its place. No exceptions.

The Three Circles originated in SAA. Many people in recovery use it now. Here’s what it states in the SAA 12 Steps:

“The person in recovery draws three concentric circles, consisting of an inner, middle, and outer circle. With the help of their sponsor or others in recovery, they write down various behaviors in each of the three circles.”

Let’s break down what each circle means. Again, each person’s circles will look different depending on their individual struggles, personal bottom lines, and their current stage of recovery. The circles are fluid and may evolve and change over time.

Inner Circle

In the inner circle, we put the behaviors we want to abstain from, the ones we consider a loss in our own sobriety. These are our personal bottom-line behaviors that we identify as addictive, harmful, or unacceptable, and that we consider a setback, aka slip, in our recovery.

Middle Circle

In the middle circle, we put boundary behaviors that may lead to a setback, or those things we aren’t sure about yet.
These behaviors can move to the inner circle when necessary.

Outer Circle

In the outer circle, we put healthy behaviors that enhance our lives and recovery.

For me, the Inner Circle and Outer Circle were easier to define than the Middle Circle. I think that may be the case for most people because we understand what we want to stop doing and have a good understanding of what's healthy too. It's the middle that can be somewhat confusing.

Someone like me may have Inner:

• Cocaine, meth, etc.

• Stimulants: including prescription

• Mushrooms, acid, etc.

• People I used with

• Places where I used

And then, for my betrayal trauma, it was my hypervigilant behaviors:

• Checking old emails

• Pain mining

• Looking at his old accounts

Examples of Outer Circle healthy behaviors:

• Attending meetings/group

• Writing

• Hobbies (plants, fish, and birds, oh my!)

• Meditating/prayer

• Volunteering

The Middle Circle a.k.a The Grey

This is where grey thinking comes in. I know, gasp!

For example, I had drinking in my Inner Circle. I moved alcohol into my Middle Circle because sometimes I drink a glass of wine on Christmas or New Year’s Eve. I’ve also not struggled with alcohol in the past.

When I was doing trauma work with my counselor, I moved it back into my Inner Circle, until I was finished, because I maintain an awareness that even with all these years of being clean and not having issues with alcohol in the past, I’m still susceptible to triggers, especially when I’m going through something so emotionally intense and I didn't want to take any chances.

That’s why it’s so important to me to maintain awareness of the behaviors or environments that can lead to a potential setback in my healing or recovery.

I also have:

• Visiting family

• Talking about certain topics

• Social Media

• Lack of sleep

• Migraines (while out of my control, I need to make sure I don’t fall into a victim mentality)

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻