Me and My Bidet: Me and My Bidet: A Lesson in Independence

Be honest, were you a toilet paper hoarder in 2020?

I was.

Kinda, anyway.

I always had an extra pack under the bed in my spare room. The one that became my safe space a few years later.

Then, I saw people talking about bidets.

I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten about them.

We had them in our houses in Germany. The only time I’d used one was right after I gave birth to my first son and the water pressure was a bit, um, too high for that. And that ended my adventure with bidets.

With panic buying of toilet paper in 2020, and me not wanting to be a part of the problem, I decided to get bidets for our bathrooms.

My ex-husband preferred to do things around the house, so he installed them for me, and I’ve been using bidets ever since.

I’m a bidet advocate.

They’re the best.

I even have a portable bidet for traveling.

When I left my husband, I left my bidets behind.

Why did I abandon you, my sweet bidets? My ex never used you, and now you’re just hanging on the tank doing nothing. Poor little dudes.

But actually, I totally forgot. Which is probably worse. For something I used every day…I totally forgot about them. Eeek!

Which meant when I got to my new home…no bidet. I ordered one from Amazon and started using my travel bidet.

My shiny new bidet arrived the next day.

I put it on top of the toilet tank.

And it sat there for two months.

With my travel bidet sitting right on top of it.

I set a reminder on Alexa, “Install my bidet, Saturday, 10:00 a.m.,” “Put the bidet on the toilet, Thursday, 9:00 a.m.,” “Take care of the stupid bidet, Laura, two weeks from today, 2:00 p.m.”

And so it went for two months.

Why was I waiting?

It was a bidet.

Not brain surgery.

And yet every time I looked at it, I felt intimidated by it.

I didn’t really think about the whys, I simply kept blowing off installing it.

Until one day, I was cleaning the bathroom and realized I’d been moving this box on and off the top of the toilet tank for two months.

That’s a lot of back and forth.

I looked at the box.

The box didn’t look back.

I opened it and read the instructions.

They were much simpler than the video I watched on the Amazon page.

I gathered all the tools: a wrench.

Oh, and a bowl…just in case.

As I turned off the water to the tank, I realized I was doing the first “home project” I’d done in about twenty years.

That thought hit me hard.

Unexpectedly.

This is why the fucking bidet sat in a box on top of the toilet tank for two months.

I wasn’t being lazy.

I wasn’t being incapable.

I had just stopped doing these kinds of things for myself.

I also stopped remembering that I could.

This silver water sprayer was more than a hygienic tool for me.

It reminded me of all the things I used to do before I got married.

I owned my own home.

I did countless repairs, installations, and regular household maintenance on my own.

Did I need the wrench? Nope.

Did I need the bowl? Yep!

Turns out the spray handle leaked, but guess who figured it out in less than a minute? That’s right, me.

Now when I see that bidet installed on my toilet instead of waiting on top of it, I’m excited for what’s next.

What else did I forget I’m capable of doing?

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻