Selective Velcro Brain

If you’ve been around the Bookenderverse for a bit, you know I have two Dobermans. They’re annoyingly sweet, and as much as I complain about them, I’m going to miss them terribly when I move out.

Thankfully, we agreed on “visitation” when I’m back in town.

Dobies are notorious for being Velcro dogs. They don’t just live with you. They become a part of your world whether you want them to or not. Kinda like addiction and betrayal trauma.

We asked for the Dobermans. We didn’t ask for the Velcro.

A Doberman follows you from room to room. Usually, trying to anticipate where you’re going and when they’re wrong, they act like it’s your fault. Again, reminds me of my addict voice and unhealthy voice.

“Ma’am, you may think you had self-esteem, we’re here to remind you that it left the building.”

Dobermans lean against you as they own you…hmm. Sounds familiar.

How many times did that voice in my head do the same thing?

They barged uninvited into the room. Usually, when I’m trying to focus on work.

Very reminiscent of the mind movies that loved to play in my head after disclosure day.

My Velcro brain caused a lot of things to stick back in the day:

• Addiction

• Anxiety

• Betrayal Trauma

• Low Self-Esteem

These days, I’m able to see the beauty in my Velcro brain the same way I realize how much I’m going to miss my Velcro dogs.

As they follow me from room to room, they’re making sure I’m never alone. When they anticipate where I’m going, they’re trying to make me happy.

And when my mind chimes in? Now it says, “You’re beautiful inside and out. I love who you are today.”

When they lean against my leg, they’re protecting me. The voice in my head is my safe space, too.

As they come crashing through the door while I’m working, it’s their reminder to take a well-earned break. “Let’s play! Let’s get some sunshine and stretch our legs!”

The mind movies aren’t welcome in my brain anymore. They were served eviction notices.

Today, my Velcro brain still hangs on to lots of things:

• Ideas

• People

• Projects

• Questions

• Feelings

• Mysteries from my adoption

• Fish

• Workbooks

• BirdBuddy(s)

I don't just touch things and move on. I attach, examine, revisit, and integrate.

These days, my brain is engaged instead of stuck. It still latches on, but now it moves me forward instead of keeping me in circles.

I now ask:

What deserves my stickiness?

The goal isn't to stop being a Velcro person. The goal is to decide what deserves to stick.

When Velcro Helps

• Staying sober

• Healing

• Learning

• Building a business

• Writing a workbook (Spoiler alert)

• Raising kids

• Showing up for people

When Velcro Hurts

• Rumination

• Resentment

• Self-criticism

• Hypervigilance

• Trying to solve things that don't have answers

• Carrying responsibility that belongs to someone else

We need to have Selective Velcro Brain.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

• What tends to stick to you?

• What makes your heart smile and stays with you?

• What are you still carrying that no longer serves you?

• Where has your stickiness helped you grow?

• Where might it be keeping you stuck?

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻