S.M.A.R.T. Goals

When I first started working on my emotional sobriety and healing, I was passionate about "doing it right" and "all in" on anything and everything I could find.

It wasn't long before I found myself disappointed and exhausted. I had set expectations of myself way too high and was doing way too much. It wasn't a healthy approach.

Maybe you can relate. Whether it's the desire to stop an unhealthy behavior like drinking too much, overeating, caretaking, or using drugs, we need to be patient with ourselves.

Chunking things down in a way that feels less overwhelming can help.

I prefer the KISS method: Keep It Simple, Silly.

Do your best to avoid overcomplicating things. Think of it as a buffet. There’s no need to pile everything on your plate at once. It will still be there. Taking one thing at a time, in bite-sized portions, can make a big goal feel much more manageable.

The S.M.A.R.T. Goal approach is one way to do that.

S: Specific

What are you trying to accomplish? What actions can you take?

Try to make the goal specific enough that you know what you're working toward.

Instead of, “I’m never going to have a setback,” you might start with, “I’m going to focus on staying clean for the next 30 days.”

Instead of “I’m only going to think positively,” you might try, “For the next 30 days, I’m going to pay more attention to how I talk to myself.”

M: Measurable

How will you know when you’ve reached your goal? Is there a way you want to track your progress?

Some people like counting days on a calendar. Others prefer a weekly reminder on their phone. Others find counting days stressful and would rather check in with themselves after a certain amount of time.

There isn't one right way to track progress. Use what works for you.

A: Attainable

Is the goal realistic right now? If not, can you make it smaller or adjust it?

This can be especially important in recovery and healing, when we sometimes want things to change much faster than they actually can.

For example, someone beginning recovery may want to immediately repair a strained relationship. But repairing trust takes time and involves another person whose feelings and choices we can't determine.

An attainable goal might be taking responsibility for your part, making appropriate amends when the time is right, or beginning to show through your actions that you're doing something differently.

R: Relevant

Why does this goal matter to you?

What made you want to pursue it in the first place?

When a goal connects to something important to you, whether that's your recovery, relationships, health, peace, independence, or something else entirely, that reason can help you reconnect with what you're working toward when things get difficult.

T: Timely

What timeframe makes sense for this goal? And is there room for flexibility?

Remember, you don't have to follow anyone else's timeline. Healing takes time. Recovery takes time.

If 30 days feels overwhelming, start with today. Then tomorrow.

The goal isn't to create another source of pressure. It's to give yourself something manageable to work toward.

And if things don't go according to plan?

Take a look at what happened. Was the goal too big? Did something get in the way? Did you learn something you can use when deciding what comes next?

A setback doesn't erase the progress you've already made.

And don't forget to notice the wins along the way. We can get so focused on where we're going that we forget how far we've already come.

Big or small, they're worthy of celebration!

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻