The Brick Wall in Recovery and Healing (And How to Move Past It)

Have you ever been rockin’ and rollin’ along in your recovery or healing, and then one day things just don’t click anymore? It’s like you’ve lost the fire in your belly. The one that motivated you to keep going each day, even when things were challenging.

To me, it’s like a brick wall. The momentum you had disappears. Nothing really resonates anymore. And it’s a lot more common than you think.

What the Brick Wall Feels Like

It can show up in a lot of ways, but it can also be sneaky, too. Remember the frog in the water parable?

• You may be going to therapy, but you’re not getting anything new out of it

• You’re attending meetings or support groups, but nothing you’re hearing is resonating with you

• You’re putting in the hard work, but still not seeing the growth

• You feel frustrated, restless, maybe even a little hopeless

Before you know it, that voice in your brain starts to whisper, “Why isn’t this working anymore?” Along comes self-doubt and fear.

That’s the brick wall.

Don’t worry, though; this is your brain communicating with you. Sometimes it shows up in that familiar negative voice, and sometimes it shows up as a plateau of emotions.

The important thing to do is to tune into your needs. Do you need a rest, or do you need a challenge?

It May Not Be the Tool

I remember when this happened to us after my second disclosure. My ex-husband stopped connecting with our marriage counselor.

At first, that felt like a problem. But when I looked at it from his perspective, it made sense. That counselor wasn’t trained for a couple like us. We needed someone trained in addiction.

Later, after working with his CSAT, he hit that same wall again.

So he switched therapists within the same practice, and everything changed again.

He started going weekly.

He joined a support group.

He found momentum again.

The same thing occurred with anon meetings for both of us. They helped…until they didn’t. We’d learned as much as we could, and instead of forcing it, we moved on to Fortify and learned the scientific approach.

Which is one of the reasons why I love the word “malleable” so much. It gave me so much hope in the addiction and healing communities and allowed me to step out of the box I felt I’d been placed in.

It helped me move away from thoughts like:

“I need to try harder.”

“I must be doing this wrong.”

“Maybe I’m just not capable of healing.”

It made me realize that sometimes, we simply outgrow the tools we’ve been using and need new ones in our recovery and healing toolkit.

Recovery Isn’t One Path

What works in one part of your recovery or healing might not work in the next, and that’s okay. Whether we’ve gotten bored with using the same tool or outgrown it, we don’t want to become stagnant. We want to keep expanding our tools and look for what excites us. That’s why, thirty-plus years into my journey, I’m still a work in progress. Recovery and healing are all about evolving.

Early recovery might need:

• Structure

• Accountability

• Clear rules

Later recovery might need:

• Emotional depth

• Identity work

• Flexibility and nuance

If you keep using early-stage tools in a later stage…You hit the wall.

How to Move Past the Brick Wall

Time for some tools!

Pause Instead of Pushing Harder

When you hit resistance, your instinct might be to double down.

Try the opposite.

Ask:

• What feels stuck right now?

• What’s no longer resonating?

Awareness comes before change.

Get Curious, Not Critical

Instead of:

“Why isn’t this working?”

Ask:

“What do I need now that I didn’t need before?”

That one question can open everything up.

You’re Allowed to Make Changes

This is a big one.

You are allowed to:

• Change therapists

• Try a different recovery approach

• Leave a group that no longer fits

• Explore new tools (there are so many to choose from)

• Try tools you previously discarded

Staying somewhere out of obligation can keep you stuck longer.

Add, Don’t Just Replace

Sometimes it’s not about quitting something, it’s about layering in something new:

• A different type of therapy

• A new support group

• Journaling, somatic work, or mindfulness

• A workbook

• A new book (you knew I’d go there)

Talk About the Wall

Isolation makes the wall feel thicker.

Share it with:

• A therapist

• A support group

• Someone safe in your life

You’ll quickly find out you’re not alone.

The Truth About the Brick Wall

That wall isn’t casting a shadow on you. It’s not the end of your progress. Think of it as a signal. That healthy nudge to tell you:

“You’re ready for something different now.”

Check In: Do You Need Rest or a Challenge?

This is where that earlier question comes back in. Not every brick wall you experience is telling you to do more. In fact, it may be asking you to do the exact opposite. It may be saying,

“Hey, I need you to do less!”

I had this happen when I was healing from betrayal trauma. I was a couple of months in, maybe even a few weeks (my concept of time around then is wonky), and I hit that emotional plateau. I had been doing all the things…okay, all the unhealthy things, but still, things. And I hit a brick wall.

If this happens to you, whether you’re working on your healthy recovery or healing, or struggling with unhealthy emotions and behaviors, ask yourself honestly:

• Am I mentally or emotionally exhausted?

• Have I been pushing non-stop without a break?

• Do I feel burned out instead of stuck?

If the answer is yes…You may not need a new tool. You may need rest.

And rest in recovery and healing doesn’t mean quitting. It can look like:

• Taking a short break from intense work

• Stepping back and evaluating if what you’re doing is helping you or hindering you

• Lightening your emotional load for a bit

• Focusing on simple, grounding routines

• Letting what you’ve already learned settle in

Growth isn’t always forward motion. Sometimes it’s integration.

A Few More Ways to Work Through the Wall

Zoom Out and Look at the Bigger Picture

When you’re up against a wall, it’s easy to feel like nothing is working.

But zoom out for a second.

Where were you a few months ago? A year ago?

Sometimes the progress isn’t gone, it’s just harder to see because you’re so close to it.

This can shift you from:

“I’m stuck.” → “I’ve actually grown, I just need a new direction.”

Change the Environment, Not Just the Tool

Sometimes it’s not the tool that’s the issue, it’s where you’re using it.

Try:

• A different meeting location or format

• A new time of day for your routines

• A quieter or more supportive space

A small environmental shift can bring a tool back to life.

Simplify Everything for a Bit

When nothing is clicking, more effort isn’t always the answer.

Sometimes you need to strip things back to the basics.

Ask yourself:

What are the one or two things that actually help me feel grounded?

Focus there.

Consistency beats complexity every time.

Reconnect with Your “Why”

When the fire in your belly fades, it’s often because you’ve drifted from your “why.”

Not in a dramatic way…just over time.

Take a moment and ask:

• Why did I start this journey?

• What matters most to me right now?

You don’t need a brand-new reason.

You just need to reconnect with the one that’s already there.

Expect the Wall (So It Doesn’t Knock You Down)

This one is more mindset than action.

Brick walls aren’t a sign that something went wrong. They’re part of the process.

When you expect them, they can feel less like something has gone wrong and more like:

“Okay…I’m here again. What do I need this time?”

That shift alone can take a lot of pressure off.

The Brick Wall is a Sign

If you find yourself hitting a brick wall, don’t panic, tune in. Then, step back, pause, evaluate, and take the necessary actions. Be proud of yourself for noticing that the brick wall existed.

You’re strong and wise, don’t forget that. Your brain is telling you, “Hey, we’ve grown. We need something different now.” Or “Hey, I need a break now.”

And you listened.

Hold your head up high!

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻