Understanding Levels of Emotion: Basic to Complex

Emotions are like layers of an onion.

Some feel simple and raw, while others are complex, nuanced, and shaped by our life experiences.

Understanding those layers can help us identify what we’re feeling and why, which can be especially useful in recovery, healing, relationships, and personal growth.

Although my dad was great at talking with me, there were a lot of things that just weren’t discussed.

I was never taught how to process my emotions properly, let alone name them.

If that resonates with you, you’re not alone.

For a long time, I didn't have the language for what I was feeling.

So, let's peel the onion.

And hopefully this one doesn't make us cry.

Starting With Basic Emotions

There are different theories about exactly which emotions are considered “basic,” so you may see slightly different lists depending on what you're reading.

But these are some of the emotions commonly recognized as basic or primary:

• Joy

• Sadness

• Anger

• Fear

• Disgust

• Surprise

These can show up quickly, and sometimes our bodies react before we've completely figured out what we're feeling.

That's why it can help to notice what's happening physically too.

Is your heart pounding?

Has your pulse quickened?

Are you grinding your teeth?

Are your shoulders tense?

Is your stomach tight?

Those sensations don't automatically tell you why you're feeling something, but they're information.

They can be your cue to check in with yourself.

More Complex Emotions

Then things start getting more interesting.

Our emotions can become more nuanced and can be influenced by our family of origin (FOO), relationships, culture, beliefs, memories, and life experiences.

Think about emotions like:

• Guilt

• Pride

• Jealousy

• Love

• Embarrassment

• Shame

These aren't necessarily simple combinations with an exact emotional recipe.

Jealousy, for example, might involve fear for one person, anger for another, sadness for someone else, or some combination of all three.

That's part of why learning to identify what's underneath an emotion can be so useful.

Shame and Guilt

This is also where the difference between shame and guilt becomes important.

Brené Brown has written extensively about this distinction.

Guilt focuses on something we did.

I made a mistake.

Shame turns that behavior into something we believe about ourselves.

I am a mistake.

That's a huge difference.

Guilt can give us room to acknowledge what happened, take responsibility when necessary, learn from it, make amends, and make a different choice.

Shame can turn one action, decision, or experience into an identity.

If you're feeling triggered or emotionally overwhelmed, take a moment to explore what you're actually feeling underneath the first emotion that shows up.

Getting More Specific

Sometimes angry isn't specific enough.

Neither is sad, afraid, or my personal favorite:

Ugh.

As we learn more emotional language, we can start getting more specific about what's happening.

Maybe what you're experiencing is:

• Anxiety

• Grief

• Contempt

• Euphoria

• Nostalgia

• Awe

• Resentment

• Loneliness

• Rejection

• Overwhelm

And even those words may contain layers.

Grief can include sadness, anger, relief, confusion, longing, love, regret, or even moments of joy.

Nostalgia can feel wonderful and painful at the same time.

Anxiety might come with fear, uncertainty, physical tension, racing thoughts, or a sense that something isn't right.

These emotions can also become connected to powerful memories and experiences.

Addiction.

Recovery.

Betrayal or relational trauma.

Abuse.

Neglect.

Loss.

Relationships.

Family.

Sometimes exploring those deeper layers on our own is helpful.

And sometimes we may want additional support.

My counselor helped me navigate some of the deeper layers of my relational trauma when I couldn't untangle them by myself.

Emotional Intensity Matters Too

There's another piece to this onion.

Intensity.

Knowing that you're angry is useful.

Knowing whether you're mildly annoyed or absolutely furious gives you even more information.

For example:

Anger: Annoyed → Irritated → Frustrated → Angry → Furious

Sadness: Disappointed → Down → Sad → Heartbroken

Joy: Content → Happy → Excited → Ecstatic

These aren't exact scales that everyone will experience the same way.

They're simply examples of how emotional language can help us get more specific.

And that can matter because:

I'm annoyed.

is very different information from:

I'm furious.

The more accurately we can identify what we're feeling, the better chance we have of figuring out what we need next.

Where Are You Right Now?

Take a moment to check in.

What emotion are you feeling right now?

And don't automatically settle for fine, good, bad, or ugh.

Although ugh is sometimes extremely accurate.

Can you get more specific?

What do you notice in your body?

How intense is the feeling?

Does another emotion seem to be sitting underneath it?

Does it remind you of something you've experienced before?

Is something happening in the present that needs your attention?

Could it be a little of both?

You don't need to interrogate yourself until you've produced a 14-page psychological report.

You're just noticing.

Why This Matters

Learning to recognize and name our emotions gives us more language for understanding ourselves.

That's useful whether you're in addiction recovery, healing from betrayal or relational trauma, supporting someone you love, or simply trying to understand why you wanted to throw your phone across the room five minutes ago.

Instead of:

Something feels wrong.

you might eventually recognize:

I'm feeling rejected.

Or:

I'm disappointed.

Or:

I'm anxious because I don't know what's going to happen.

Or:

I'm angry because something that matters to me isn't okay.

That's information you can work with.

And remember what we've been talking about throughout recovery and healing:

Having a strong emotional reaction doesn't automatically mean you're reacting to something from your past.

Sometimes you are.

Sometimes something happening right now genuinely needs your attention.

Sometimes it's both.

Learning your emotional language can help you start figuring out the difference.

Final Thoughts

If naming emotions doesn't come naturally to you, that's okay.

It certainly didn't come naturally to me.

I had to learn.

An Emotions Wheel can help when your brain is giving you nothing more descriptive than bad, weird, or ugh.

Start there.

Notice the emotion.

Notice your body.

See if you can get a little more specific.

And give yourself time.

Emotions need time to stretch their legs and get comfy in your brain before they show themselves to you.

Apparently, even onions need legroom.

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻