When You Need Somewhere to Put Your Feelings

As you know, I’ve been going through some intense emotions lately. I know many of you can relate.

These complex emotions have inspired me to revisit some tools I used after disclosure day. One of those is the emotions jar.

Simple, yet powerful.

Back in the day, I started with a plastic container. Then I found a cute jar, and my friend gave me one with inspirational and blank tags inside. Fun! I donated that, so now I'm using my spare jewelry box. (Go Giants!)

You can use whatever works for you: a jar, a box, a basket, an old coffee can... whatever you’ve got handy. If you want to decorate it, add some pizazz; go for it. Make it uniquely yours.

Ultimately though, the point isn’t what it looks like. It’s more about having somewhere to mentally put things down for a while.

Because sometimes I think we get tired of carrying everything.

The fears. The worries. The resentments. The urge to escape, numb out, fix something, or control something we can’t.

Or roast marshmallows at someone else’s dumpster fire.

That’s where the emotions jar comes in. We write it down. It’s that simple.

It doesn’t have to be neat or poetic. Scribble it on the back of an envelope if you want. Fold it up and drop it in the jar.

Done!

Apply the KISS method. Keep It Simple, Silly!

There’s something surprisingly cathartic about physically taking a thought out of your head, putting it on paper, and placing it somewhere else.

You’re not pretending it didn’t happen. You’re not saying the feeling isn’t real. You’re just saying, “I don’t have to carry this right now.”

And sometimes that’s enough.

You can leave it there for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks...whatever feels right. Then go back and look at it and ask yourself:

Do I still feel the same way about this?

Does it still hurt as much?

Do I even care about this anymore? 😂

It’s okay if some things still affect you. We’re going through a lot. Other things may feel completely different. And some might make you wonder why the hell you gave them so much space in your head in the first place. At least that’s what happens with me sometimes. Especially lately.

I’ve learned that letting go doesn’t mean saying what happened was okay. And it doesn’t mean I magically stop having feelings about it, because feelings remind me that I’m here and present. Not burying my head in the sand like I’ve done so many times in the past.

For me, it means I don’t have to keep carrying it with me everywhere I go, like an unhealthy anchor weighing me down.

I can let it go.

I’ll take it back up later and work through it. Maybe I won’t.

But I don’t have to carry everything, all the time.

Sometimes I need somewhere to put it for a while.

Let’s Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d really love to know. You can comment below or email me. You’re also invited to join other Bookenders on Reddit.

And if you’re looking for deeper exercises, I wrote Bookends of Recovery & Healing Workbook to help you heal from betrayal trauma and addiction by using creative exercises, action tools, and guided reflection.

Warmly,
Laura 🌻